Appa

I listen to the sound of her voice soothing me to sleep.

"Do you remember the time back then, one of the favourite days of your life?"

I can feel her smile. My head rests on her lap as I listen with my eyes closed.

"I made you soft blueberry ice cream. You dropped your spoon and spilt ice cream everywhere. All over my new white dress."

I remember that day from years ago. She was so much taller then. I was crying, and she picked me up.

Beep.

"Things were so much simpler then. We made sure to breathe it all in while we still could. How fast things go by when we finally arrive where we're meant to be."

I let my arms go limp. I feel us flying up now, high into the sky at a gentle pace.

The sun was gleaming, warming my face. I could feel the clouds pass us by.

Thank you, mother.

I took her hand with me. I felt those tough wrinkles and calloused bumps. All those years of hard work culminated in never feeling loved enough or around enough. If only love could explain itself and its reasonings. Maybe it could get through us in another place in another form. But here, we're stuck trying to figure things out and failing at it. We keep wishing and trying yet it doesn't always work out. If only we did better, if only we knew better.

How I cannot thank you enough for what you've done. How I cannot show enough the love I have for you. All I want is for you to be proud from today to the last. That on the saddest day, I get to be with you one last time as I kiss you and hold you like you did me the first time.

I will always love you, so greater than you may realize.

Despite all the negatives. Despite all the failures and setbacks and yelling and problems.

I love you, my dear mother. I love you endlessly.